Hello jack123: I'm so sorry to hear your life has taken such a nosedive. I do, however, want to applaud your determination to not try to end your life so your son comes to see this as a viable alternative. Having made several attempts myself over the years, I have done a fair amount of reading with regard to suicide. And, it seems to be the case that, when one member of a family or group suicides, it does tend to give other family or group members permission to do the same.

I see you are a nurse(?). I don't know what happened that you lost your career. But I would think jobs in the field of nursing must be fairly plentiful, unless you're living in a small town or rural area. It is certainly possible for a person who is bipolar to have a successful career. In particular, I think about Kay Redfield Jameson with whom you may be familiar. Perhaps you have not been able to find the right medications & / or therapy services. Of course I don't know about any of this. I'm just speculating here. I hope, whatever your circumstances are, you will be able to recover your previous stability. My best wishes to you.