I am really grieving not well, because how lonely I am emotionally. I've become cynical and hate everyone even more. It's so hard to feel like you're cared about when people ignore you all the time most people want to only make fun of you when you're trying to be yourself.

I can't have anything with these idiots I live with. It's like I'm talking to someone in a different language all the time. I wish I was dead many days just to be out of the way. I hate how people complain about their lives and never want to help anyone. When I do, it does little help, but I'm always yelled at or talked down when I do.

It's like I have no motivation to be around anyone. Everyone is always out having fun and it's depressing because I'm working so hard to leave this place be rich move far far away be in a new community, but all of this is not going to happen anytime soon. I don't know how many more years I can put up with this. I really don't want to grow old alone and I will rather die now with everyone that's still here than being old and no one is here.

Anytime I want to be close it never happens. It won't happen, I can only be persistent at this point. I don't care what happens to everyone, why should I care if, because I'm treating everyone else how they are treating me. They don't deserve anything ever. They shouldn't drag anything out of me just for their enjoyment. **** me