You are so right! It's so futile to sit here and fluctuate back and forth. Thinking "Am I guilty of terrible sins or am I forgiven? Is the sex a sin, even if it is a symptom of my disease?" I have to forgive myself, accept the anxiety as a mental disorder, and try to enjoy the moment. Be it having sex with someone or praying to God for help. I enjoy both my wild moments and my spiritual moments. Thank you so much for this reply! I think I need to meditate

Also...


This is exactly how I feel sometimes. Like there's something in me doing these things I regret (mostly the sex I have with other adults looking for the same thing I'm into) and giving me these horrible anxiety-riddled thoughts. I even answered once on a personality test that I felt possessed, I felt cursed, I even said it would be easier to be the opposite sex. And because of these answers, the test was deemed invalid, because it seemed I was saying things just to make myself look like I'm worse off mentally than I am. Hell no! I justified all my answers and my therapist seemed to get it. But whoever or whatever (a computer maybe) analyzed my answers was dead wrong. These thoughts are not invalid, they are very real. But people like you make me feel better, just knowing I'm not alone.