I'm sorry you've gone through this, but I'm glad you can recognize what is real and what is delusional. Thanks so much for your feedback and all the great feedback from others. I too have been here before, even so bad I basically had a psychotic break with reality complete with hallucinations and not just panic, but sheer terror, for months. It was awful, but it was before I was diagnosed BP1.

Now that I'm diagnosed, taking meds, going to therapy, and just recently found this amazing forum to exchange ideas, I can usually up my meds and do other things to help me once it gets started. I'm still pretty out of it, but good food and good sleep always help too. So I just made a steak and mashed potatoes