For the past couple months I have allowed myself to just slide downhill and not think twice about it. Since I had surgery I have kept myself so busy that I haven't had time to breathe, I even went back to work before being cleared by my doctor. In doing so, I am working 6 12 hour days, I have started my classes again, and I have been so sick.

I feel so very alone in this world, like no one even notices that I am standing or sitting next to them. My husband doesn't care, all that I am to him is piece of a*s that he can have when he wants it and it doesn't matter if I say no or not. I want to so badly throw in the towel and just never wake up again, I pray for that every night. But yet here i sit in my own little pity party for myself. Who would even miss me to begin with? I have no family that I can turn to and my best friend took her own life. Who does that leave? Me to carry all this alone as always. I'm not strong enough to do this alone anymore, I don't want to anymore. Yea, I have people that I have met that say they care but when it comes down to it and I open up and start talking to them, they run away. Even in support communities such as this one I have heard that so many times. Yet there is no one there. So why do I bother. Why can't I just give up on myself? I honestly believe that this world would be better off if I were not a part of it anymore. No one would miss me or even know that I was gone.