Honestly, I don't know. I know I'm not well, just here. Here for no apparent reason, other than mental suffering.
I'm not sure if you're aware of my situation, but I want to erase all of the past and move forward. However, at a middle age diagnosis,, I can't get back what I sacrificed or ignored just to "try to keep a job" which was having no life.

The reality is, I am terribly confused. I can't make decisions. I can't focus. My day is filled with trying to stay stable, fix me something to eat, and not loose it. I would like to get a life, but I can't right now as I feel way too sick to try.

I had a friend tell me about a job opening somewhere similar to my last, just a different product. I will talk with my therapist tomorrow about it. I think sometimes it's a million wonders how they let me work at my last job as long as I did with my undiagnosed self. But I feel no better after a year's treatment. I'm just medicated and diagnosed now with slightly less rage. I want to feel good. I want to feel optimistic. I want to feel happy and improving. I want to be loved. Instead, I feel like I should just die.