I understand what you are saying. I have been where you are and the desire to want to get better eluded me completely. Nothing seem to work. To this day I still can't explain or say exactly what did happen that started my road to recovery and though I still have some extreme times, I basically found that light at the end of the tunnel. I just wanted to let you know that there is hope although I do understand that you don't feel any right now.

I can only send you strengthening thoughts - I know words seem so glib right now.