I'm afraid it is me not getting my point across clearly. I'm not very good at this tough love business. Sorry.

The thing about self esteem is that too far in either direction can lead to some level of self absorption.

Special/ important is not synonymous with good. For you to have caused any of the horrible things in your friends lives you must have something special about you even if it isn't very nice.

I know how you feel. These are feelings I still struggle with.

Originally I fought against my narcissistic traits diagnosis. It couldn't be possible I despise myself. Then I realized. I do think I'm special. I am the worst of the worst. No one is as flawed/ horrible/ evil as me.

That is why in the NPD assessment thingy on here one of the questions is "you feel you are no better or worse than everybody else."

If you want to blame yourself then you will also need to accept that there is something important enough about you to be able to cause these problems.

I'm also certain you could come up with just as many stories for people you have mentored who turned out well. If you focus pn the bad that is all you will find.