It's normal to want to chase the high but we all know how destructive it can become.

I think that there are things in your past that you have not let go of just yet.

Learn to forgive yourself. We can't change what's done. Easier said than done I know. I also find music conjures up certain emotions and my taste in music even changes according to the episodes I'm in. Certain songs can remind me of when I was manic and visa versa but I don't actively seek the music to relive the memory.

Take care of yourself.