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Old Oct 27, 2014, 05:16 AM
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roseblossom roseblossom is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Never Never Land
Posts: 243
I sent my ex-husband a text to ask him if he was free to meet this week. He rang me back and said that he was busy for most of this week with appointments and because his wife's father was staying with him.

It was ok up to that point.

He then said that he had sent several texts to our adult son who hadn't replied and he said that he assumed everything was ok. I said to him that it might not be ok - that people sometimes didn't respond because they were upset or angry, not just because they were busy. I don't know if our son is, but I wanted to let him know that really it's best to check.

He then asked me what it was I wanted to talk to him about so that he knows before we meet (and he sounded as if he was in a rush). I said to him that I wasn't going to talk to him about it before we met. I started to feel angry for the following reasons .....

1. Since he met his wife several years ago, he let me know that he didn't want to keep in touch with me so much, which I understood, but this progressed to him not wanting to keep in touch at all but not being honest about it - he would just make excuses about being busy, although he later said that he didn't think it was fair on his wife if we remained in touch.

2. He has told me that he is now leaving everything in his Will to his new wife, and nothing to our adult son which I think that our son will find really hurtful (his new wife is only 10 years older than our son). I have mentioned this before here on another thread.

3. Our son had wanted to return home from university for a weekend to stay at home with his dad, but was told that he couldn't stay because his dad's new wife's father was there and the father doesn't apparently know that our son exists. This is a father who was abusive towards my ex-'s wife when she was growing up - my ex and her have had several holidays staying at his home but I had no idea that they hadn't told him that my ex has a son. I had wondered why they hadn't invited our son with them - incidentally my ex actually took his sisters to see his wife's father at one point.

4. I wanted to talk to my ex about something sensitive and didn't want to talk about it over the phone - it was about emotional abuse and emotional neglect because I think it has happened to our son. I had found a book which I thought could be really helpful and wanted to let him know. (Incidentally I could also be helpful for his wife).

I also wanted to talk to him about the fact that I thought it was unfair of him and his wife on our son, to have told him he couldn't come home, just so that his wife's father could stay - that they were treading on eggshells for him, but overlooking the fact that our son still needed to know that it was his home too.

Anyway, he said that he didn't want to meet unless he knew what we would be talking about. I didn't want to go into all that in a telephone call whilst other people were listening and while he was busy and I felt that he was being unreasonable in expecting to know everything I wanted to communicate when I had already told him that I wanted to meet, so I put down the phone.

I know that I didn't handle this all that well, but does anyone have any idea what it would be best to do now?
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