I think 45 minutes for a time out is way too long. I don't even give my 9 year old time outs that long. Five minutes would be the most amount of time I would expect a 6 year old to stay in time out. Even after that short of time they forget why they are in time out.

I try to do natural consequences as much as possible. For drawing on the walls, you get to clean the walls, for making a mess, you clean it up. This is really effective with my 9 year old - he is forever peeing all over the place, he has to clean it up and thinks that cleaning pee up is gross. I tell him that I agree that it is gross but since he made the mess I shouldn't have to clean up his gross pee. He is finally getting it.

I know you have had a lot of criticism about spanking. I know the frustration of wanting to spank as nothing else is helping. I have resorted to spanking at times but as a child who was formerly abused please try and stop spanking. The reason you find it works is because that is what she is used to. She has been taken away from all she knows (her biological mother, the abuse) and is trying to see what it is going to take for you to go away as well. I put my adoptive parents through hell with trying to get them to get rid of me. I was 5.5 years old when I was adopted, so I have an understanding of what this little girl is going through. Parenting is hard, and I imagine being a single parent is even harder, at least I have my husband to fall back on. Do you have someone to take your daughter to give you breaks?

You are doing the best job you know how. You have done a wonderful thing by taking this little girl into your heart. Do not be afraid to say that you need a break, or that it is hard to know what to do. I have no doubt that you love this little girl, she is lucky to have you.

If you ever need to talk please feel free to pm me.