Rereading this I apologize if my issues seem minor compared to other's more serious problems, I don't mean to sound like someone doing things or saying things for attention or because 'guys like it' or seems trendy, I hope it doesn't come across that way, for some reason I've been accused of that before with very real feelings.
Today I saw my other crush that I didn't mention, one of my guy friends, I saw him in passing and my feelings for her were 'interrupted' and he was the only thing on my mind, but JUST as intense.. then about 10 minutes later I saw her near the shop in my village and she's having problems in her relationship... I felt like I was going to burst because my feelings came back, flooded into my chest and I wanted to comfort her(climb her like a tree! She's tall), but I don't want to take advantage of her in her emotional state... a state oddly similar to my own situation at this point in time. As soon as I saw her my heart jumped the same way it did with him, it seems as if they cancel each other out when I see these 2 people in my life, which was something I was wondering. It feels so weird even typing this, like I'm going to get found out or something, I feel guilty. I've even been spending much more 'alone time' just thinking of HER specifically. About 6 times today! WTF is this? I feel it may be because of my separating from my husband and I just want to feel someone else completely different from him? I was reading that sometimes people's sexuality can be in flux, as well, is that what this is or is it just hormones of some kind? It just seems that it has only increased since the separation. I don't think I've ever been through this (or thought about a man like I do her, though.) I want to get this out of my system so I can think clearly bc I am a wreck and my libido is in hyperdrive, but my libido has been all but absent for the past 5 years. I really just want to have the experience with her to find out if it's real, so I don't have another regret, if I can really have a relationship with someone of the same sex to find a definitive answer, but without the self disgust... I feel ashamed. I almost just want them both.

Sorry for writing a long winded book, I usually journal but I still live in the same house with my husband until he finds a place.