Hello dear,
I feel like your church members don't fully understand what you're going through. I'm not saying God doesn't change people, I just believe God gives us the chance and it's up to us to do it (wither it be leaving him, or him changing).
My dad is married to an abusive women. She has made his, mine, my step-sister and brother's lives terrible. All the time he said he wouldn't leave her because God hates divorce, but the reality is God hates abuse.