Hi

I relate a lot to what you wrote. I myself had the illusion my parents were wonderful but after maturing (somewhat) and a lot of soul searching, I too realised how my feelings were never validated and actually how my parents were to involved in my mums illness to even try and give us what we needed.

After the initial discovery, my feelings quickly turned to anger and resentment, I blamed them for years ( which is totally un healthy) and I am still now trying to make sense of it all and actually forgive them for neglecting us (my brother and I)

The most important thing here is that you learn to accept and forgive them...IMO that is the only healthy way to move on and let go. I think every person has been messed up by their parents in one way or another; just some more than others!