My T. tells me that grief and loss are a huge part of my issues.

I guess when issues are long term and not exactly all your fault - but have persisted anyway the major portion of your life - then everything becomes complex, complicated and messed up.

And that's how it is with me.

I think I started out ok when I was born. But very quickly I was with my first abuser: my mother (abuse was physical and sexual too - pretty sure she did this with my older brother too who did die by suicide later in life - therapists are pretty sure of it too).

After that, I had other family abuse. Then I launched out of the family on my own in life, and I ran into other abusers.

Then the abuse also caused symptoms of other kind.

And that's when you lose people.

Sometimes you lose people by death - and suicide is bad in my family too.

Sometimes you lose them because they abandon you. And sometimes they abandon you to punish you because you aren't doing what they want (more abuse/control).

And sometimes they abandon you because you are having symptoms and they just give up on you.

And more recently, I did a little abandoning of my own and left some abusers on my own.

Whatever the reasons (and they are many), grief and loss is a big factor in my life, and causing some of my symptoms to worsen at this time.

Its very difficult to handle, but I do find people's kindness does help.

Musica91