You are right, that is why I stopped pursuing the whole issue all together. I have broken all contact opportunities with her and it is basically impossible for me to do so now. I did convince myself to leave her alone, actually two years ago already.

The way I did it was not very kind to myself, but it's the only thing that worked. I convinced myself that I was a monster and that I didn't deserve a single minute's consideration by her. I told myself that she feels sick to the pit of her stomach at the mere mention of my name, and that she is a much better human being than me. Once you feel that shame and ugliness about yourself, it is very easy to leave that person alone. I would not recommend this method to anyone who has self-hate issues, as it can destroy you totally. I just did it because it worked for me and is for the most part true anyway.

The reason I started this thread is because I just wanted to state how nice it would be to have her back in my life as a friend. Thank you all for your inputs, your perspectives are pretty much spot on! You guys are saying more or less the same thing that I am saying to myself with regards to this situation - that it is pretty much over and I have lost her for good, in any way, shape or form.

I thought people could forgive me for my crimes against them, but clearly I was mistaken.