Yeah I guess. It's just so....I dunno. I know the life you describe because I am alone up until now and there were times I enjoyed it, but I'm tired of it. I still feel love and other feelings very much (as you know from my previous posting, the girl I love) but my damn outer image betrays me, it makes me look all stoic, cold, heartless and as though I like being alone. Meanwhile my inside self is crying out, just wanting to be loved and to love too. In me I am a young vibrant man who wants to enjoy life and love. This condition (ASD) is most terrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I guess I'll just always be alone . Maybe I deserve it, I don't know.