I feel like I'm trapped, like I'm an asshole for still thinking about/wanting to leave

My husband, E, has been talking with the pastor for a couple of weeks now

So far the only real change I've seen is him admitting that he is 'lost', being SLIGHTLY more in the word... But everything else is just the same as when he is in a good cycle

I feel strongly that God has been telling me to leave, but because of my own lack of faith I don't know for certain

Abuse will cause you to doubt yourself; it is the same as brainwashing.

And I'm afraid to make a decision...read the book I mentioned and then get counseling for YOURSELF; because of what happened to me I would never trust a pastor again (lets face it, they have an agenda, etc.)

The people at church who know keep saying 'God can change him' and because of this, The people at church, while well-meaning don't understand.

I feel wrong to still want to at least separate from him

I feel that the church doesn't think emotional or verbal abuse is abuse...Sadly most churches are ill equipped to deal with verbal abuse, and further abuse women in the situation.

That unless he is physically hurting us, I'm obligated to stay and 'save' him..NO ONE can 'save" him. He and only HE is responsible for his behavior

I'm tired
I'm tired of waiting to see if... when... The other side of E will reappear