I can't do this anymore. Life, in general. Anything. Everything. I just can't.


I woke up this morning and had to clean up a gross bathroom mess my roommate had left for me. I'm not the world's best housekeeper or anything, but I don't leave disgusting messes for other people to clean up.

My bank account is overdrawn, like every month. I have power and cell phone bills to pay. I still have no internet at home because I can't afford it. After the overdraft fees, I'm not sure I'm even going to have enough to pay this month's rent, let alone oil and pellets for heat. It's getting worse and worse every month.

And I'm also out of food stamps money. I don't get any more until November 8, so I don't know what I'm going to eat for the next two weeks. I guess I'll just starve myself. Clearly I don't matter enough to feed properly anyway, so why bother?

And I've been denied any therapy because, basically, I'm too crazy. All I get is a case manager who comes once a week and basically does nothing. She knows I'm desperately short on money, she knows my housing situation is messed up, and she knows I'm mentally ill. In the 9 months I've been receiving services, the only thing she's done was bring me an application for subsidized housing, but the wait list for that is literally years long. She never even asks how I'm doing emotionally, how I'm coping, or anything. Functionally, I get no support at all. I'm intensely depressed, and I have no professional support despite desperately needing it.


I didn't get the job I applied for. I got a "dear applicant" rejection email. So there goes any hope of my financial situation getting any better.

There goes any hope for anything. I have no hope left. Hope is nothing but a cruel joke. So is my life.

I just don't see any way to survive, and believe me, I have tried. I have tried and tried and tried, and now I just can't try anymore.