yeah but I don't want to be a lab rabbit, especially when I tried already 2 SSRI, benzo, and had only side effects.. and after meds I started to have suicidal feelings, before I tried meds and group therapy I had only problem with depression and panic attacks when I was going out, at my room I was safe.. I have a toxic family which I have to live with, and after meds my last safe place disappeared, suicidal feelings came, obsessive thoughts about shatans, being possessed, depersonalization, derealization, since then I had very heavy episodes of dd, and I had few situations that I was believing for few sec for something freaky or saw sth for sec or two, so I don't know if maybe meds triggered something in my mind? maybe it's schizoaffective disorder which showed after meds? or too much stress at home? I wsh that I could be cured just by therapy..
eh I feel strange and crazy right now, like something would get out of me, and had thought about shooting myself in a head, that's so stupid I can't get why I have feelings and thoughts about killing myself when I don't want it, now also feelings like I would kill someone when I don't want it... I'm worried that I could do this, even if my last t said that people with anxiety may fear this but won't do this...
am I crazy ? :c