I think you're describing classic abandonment panic that's turned into rage. This is something to talk to her about ... in a calm, collected fashion. It would be good to journal some of this, to even show her what you've written here.

Your post here is about your feelings, not about ripping her character to shreds, so that makes it a really good way to introduce the subject into your therapy. This is an important topic, especially the part about wanting to make her mad, too.

Sometimes we do this thing ... we fear being left so much that we can't stand the suspense so we create situations where we behave in such an obnoxious way the other person rejects us. Even though we end up left behind -- the thing we didn't want -- that actually feels better because the suspense is over. It's a done deal. As terrible as being alone feels, it feels better than not knowing if or when we're going to get left in the dust again.

I don't know if that's been a pattern in your life or not. If even any of it rings true, it's a great topic for therapy.

I wish you the best and hope you can find healthy ways to self-comfort until your T comes back and that once you're sitting in her office, the impulse to throw things can remain contained.