Curupira, thank you. That does help.

Clara, I don't really know anyone. I have friendly acquaintances through work, but no actual friends. My family is not supportive. (Well, my sisters are great, but they're 1100 miles away and don't have the financial resources to help.)

I just feel so hopeless because I feel like I've done everything I'm supposed to do, everything I'm capable of and more, but it's never enough for me to keep my head above water. I want to live. There are so many more things I want to do with my life. But how am I supposed to survive? I'm not asking for luxury or anything--I just want to be able to meet my basic needs and to have a good therapist who can help me with the depression and trauma stuff. On the one hand, I feel like those are pretty modest, reasonable things to ask for. But when I can't meet those needs no matter how hard I try, and the people and agencies who could help don't, I start to feel like I really am this terrible person, this burden on society who doesn't deserve to survive. And even when I can manage to convince myself I do deserve to survive, I can't see any way to. I just want to be able to have a manageable life.