TRIGGER

I remember so well feeling that way when used to punch brick walls until my knuckles looked like raw hamburger. My fingers are still stiff today, thirty years later. I used to open heavy steel fire doors by smashing them open with my forehead. Lots of self pounding.

I remember a girl begging me to stop. When I asked her why, she said she couldn't stand to see anyone hurting themselves like that. I told her truthfully it was about the only way I could feel something. And feeling something was better feeling nothing.

I don't do that any more. Now it is more subtle, like neglecting my gum disease and my diabetes. Still not taking care of my self.