I recently saw a show (can't remember off hand what it was called) where the subject matter was the different ways transgender people cope. One especially interesting person showcased was a man, who like you didn't want to have the surgery done. His reason was that he was only attracted to women, not men. His solution in the end was to have breast enhancement but left his male genitalia intact. He wore makeup and dressed as a woman, and only had sex with women - and apparently had no trouble finding partners. I think he was living in New York if I remember correctly which probably explains the ease with which he was able to find partners.

I think most people in general are a lot more tolerant, though we as a species have a long way to go. There is indeed a third gender if not more than three. I admit there was a time when I thought transgenders were mentally ill, but with all the research in the last decade or so (my favorite cousin does this sort of research, btw) proves that it's genetic, which tells me it's just as natural as me being a heterosexual female.

You are still young and have time to decide what is best for you. It may involve you having to move elsewhere to find the acceptance you need and people you can relate to more. In the meantime, it sounds like your therapist is a good one. Who knows, a decade or so from now, you might decide that surgery is the best thing you can do for yourself and once you reach that point, if you ever do, you might be able to find a group or non-profit that will help pay for it.

For what it's worth, I think you are very brave to cope as well as you do under the circumstances. Problems like yours are not for wimps.

WW