Today is day 5 of me leaving my abusive husband.

It never even occurred to me, until today that i'm a victim. That kind hurts my heart to think that I let this happen to me. I hate myself so much for that.

Today my parents are flying home, and I get to be with them. They thankfully don't have internet so i'm just going to spend most of my time making my mind up on what to do. I'm trying to be strong and to just clear my mind and make the right decision. I want to be happy and I have never realized before that it's on ME to do that. I am in control of my happiness. I don't know why I thought that I needed him to be happy?

My husband seems to think that he can fix himself in that time (I highly doubt that he can do that in a month), he has been reading books on abuse and says he will see a therapist (whether he will, I don't know) but I just feel terribly guilty because even if he is doing the things he says he is, and he is getting better, I don't even know if I want to be with him at all. Good or bad. It makes me feel like an absolute terrible person for thinking and feeling this.