Oh Jane! I'm so so sorry.
Reading your last post is heartbreaking. I can't believe everything that you have been through..( and I know we're getting half the story)....no wonder you are hurt by your t not being there when you needed him. Always coming last to your siblings and partner, and now to your T's child, I can totally see how that would be triggering. I agree that he had no choice and it's not his fault, but your feelings are really valid.
But, to me your last post felt a bit...therapeutic . Like you were allowing yourself to feel those feelings, and look at the reasons? Maybe experiencing this little meltdown will release a bit of that 'fourth best' stuff that's tucked away....
I hope so much that you get the support you need with Christmas coming up. You are being very brave, and strong, and it's okay to need someone else to hold your hand.
I wish I could. But it is quite a long flight, and I have work this week....
Big hugs to you (if you want them), and thinking of you over here in England, watching the mist rise in the valley. Xxxxx