I was first diagnosed with bp in september. But i had it over the summer, i know i did. Prior to that, i dont really recall having symptoms.

I want to cry right now.

I have out my girlfriend through hell. Weve been long distance since may, and the summer was terrible. Wed skype almost every night, and my bp (which i wasnt sure i had) made me argumentative, impatient, snappy, and boy did i say a LOT of things i didnt mean to my girlfriend.

I just hope she hasnt fallen out of love with me. Weve been dsting ovrr a year now.

Last night i had a ridicukous thought that she was using me and didnt really have deep feelings for me. I brought this up to her, like an idiot, and it almost was the last straw ffor her. We spoke on the phone for an hour, i apologized and nearly cried for my stupidity, but i promised i was working on myself, trying to get better, and that when i get back for a job, and to be with her, things will be different.

She doesnt know i have bp. She knows i am taking meds, for my "moodiness"

Im just really upset right now, thinking thst maybe i have f'ed up one too many times in this relationship. I really hope shes going to stick with me...

Weve really been through a lot together, but mostly bad over the last four months, mostly my fault.

I feel like im going to hyperventilatw right now.