Hi no7222401, first of all really well done on getting away from your husband. And well done on recognizing the situation was abusive!!!
It really wasn't just a matter of letting it happen to you, if you find yourself in the middle of an abusive situation you're not always going to see it for what it is. You can find yourself feeling that the abuse is your fault, something you've done/not done, something you deserve, that the person can't help it, that things will get better if only...........and it can become your only reality...........sometimes you can even "normalise" it in a way.
So please don't hate yourself for what you went through. You deserve to be giving yourself compassion, so much compassion. And credit for the real strength it must have taken to breakthrough to the reality that it was abusive, you didn't deserve any of it.
But the trying to be strong bit............really admire you on that, but if you're feeling hurt, pain.........that would be completely understandable too, so don't feel bad about letting that out, expressing it and getting support for the way you're feeling. You have been through a lot.
And you know, not only do you definitely NOT need him to be happy, your happiness doesn't need to completely depend on anyone. You're right, it's about putting yourself first now, you deserve that.

And your husband.............well you could see it as whatever he does now, doesn't change the past??? And it's taken everything that's gone on, everything this has come to for him to really recognise what he was doing, and make the move into even trying to changing things.

I honestly don't want to be telling you what to do only you can make that decision, but you know what he's put you through, how far you've come, the real chance that plenty of abusers return to that, that plenty of people would say "don't go back, whatever!!!" based on their experience. Just please, please, please don't feel that you "should", need to give him another chance. YOU first now, right???!!!!
And believe me, you are in NO WAY a terrible person for not wanting to be with him, whatever he says, whatever he's doing.
And if you want to talk more............



Alison