I am sorry it is not any better, but I am glad you are still hanging in there. I really have had those times (days, weeks, even months) where I am fighting to cling to mental health and every door just keeps shutting in my face. Trying to find a pdoc and and therapist every time I move is unnecessarily painful and I always get to walk the fine line of will I have enough meds to last till I can see a new doc. And I have also had the desire to just throw in the towel because obviously I do not matter enough.

It hurts, it sucks, it feels like you are dragging yourself across a desert of broken glass towards and oasis only to find more suck.

It won't always suck, keep fighting, it feel counter intuitive, but eventually you will get get a hold of a resource, a person, real help, and things will begin to suck less.