You do not suck, you are one of the sweetest most encouraging people on here. It is hard to keep RL connections when we are in a spiral. When I came out of my first bad one I looked around and everyone I knew was gone. It does not help that I am a natural caregiver and therefore people just assume everything is fine with me.

I am glad you are getting help. Hopefully your T will be able to help you find ways to be honest about your needs and the journey that you are on. You may find that you are less alone than you think.