Thanks Rose. Yes we went from talking nearly every day to her calling me once a week (maybe). That part hurts because I feel pretty alone (even though I have fantastic, supportive friends, but slightly different). however, I reason that it's better to be alone than to endure abusive comments. It's like she's decided to blame me for all her problems in life recently, which is classic NPD.

You're right- I do need to terminate any conversation when she throws a dig at me. My tactic now is to ignore her, but I think immediately ending the conversation is better. I'm concerned about thanksgiving/holidays coming up but I can just leave after a day if she starts in on me. It makes me sad my mother has let me down like this, but I guess it's worse not recognizing it and healing myself.