everything written above is so true, and what is said and suggested is all true. you will be punished by her once you disengage from her (merely protecting yourself) and her anger/rage may escalate. these relationships are very difficult yet more common than you think, as you are seeing just by the no. of replies you are getting; it won't be easy to disconnect or minimize your contact; it was easier for me as we lived in different states but there's still pain when you change the relationship and become empowered and not let her make you feel like the bad kid; holidays are tough for a lot of people; find other people who make you feel loved, worthy and supportive to replace the toxic family members.