View Single Post
 
Old Oct 29, 2014, 07:14 PM
kylee_teacup kylee_teacup is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 7
please read whole thing and give serious answer. thanks =)

I have always been really shy and insecure sometimes. I really like someone, a guy who isn't the most handsome guy around, but he turns me on because he's mysterious. Anyways, at first when I went into the restaurant he works at, I simply didn't worry about my facial expressions, I just simply didn't worry that people would judge me for liking a guy who isn't really handsome. He is kinda cute, hehe , just not a lot.

But then later, I had a fear that I had to worry about my facial expressions, fearing they'd look embarrassed. I used to have a boyfriend who was really weird/eccentric sometimes, I loved him, but in public I felt a lot more conscious of my facial expressions, because i felt sort of embarrassed and was afraid my face would look embarrassed too. I notice I paid a lot more attention to my facial expressions, and didn't make as much eye contact with other people. He was probably the weirdest person I've ever met. Anyways, I'm afraid that same fear will translate onto being around this other guy. Yet, this other guy isn't eccentric.

I have suicidal thoughts everyday, and feel as if I'd rather be dead. This is probably definitely contributing to this sudden thought coming to my head.

I fear I would look embarrassed around this guy as I did with my past boyfriend, because I have had delusions of people persecuting me since I took the antidepressant Effexor XR six months ago, and stopped taking it five months ago. I think it permanently damaged my brain to a degree. I'm afraid people would judge me for liking a guy who's only kind of cute, not a lot. I know if I don't worry about my facial expressions, I won't have any problems. That it's more likely if I worried I'd look embarrassed, I'd more likely look like something was wrong with me. Whereas if I didn't worry, I'd look normal. However, I cannot convince my mind to that, because it keeps on saying "but..." and reverting back to this idea that people are judging me for liking him, that they are expecting or wanting me to worry about my facial expressions, because they do not care about my feelings and are trying to cause me pain.

But do you think I'm making this worry more up in my mind than anything? I have a feeling the answer is "yes," oddly. I mean, no one even really knows I like him, except I told one old man who's my friend, yet he doesn't know him personally. And maybe some people in the restaurant can tell I like him perhaps, but no one has told me "oh, why do you like him? he's not the best looking guy around." Or something mean like that. But I wonder if maybe they're thinking it. I feel detached from reality a lot.

I posted this problem up before, and someone said "don't worry too much." It's hard to convince my mind of that though, when it keeps on reverting back to this idea that people are persecuting me through their judgments and observations.

I've had insecurities before, and i was able to overcome everyone of them, but this one seems hard again sadly, like all of the rest before. I think I can do it, i just need help. Thank you

Last edited by darkpurplesecrets; Oct 30, 2014 at 06:09 PM. Reason: added trigger icon....
Hugs from:
Travelinglady