Today @ T she was all over the place & I had trouble keeping track of who she was talking about. Is that normal? Then stuff had to be repeated bec I didn't hear it. I always thought I was there for everything.
Recently in a conversation she says I have things that I don't remember or things I've done that I don't remember. That makes me very anxious. Then she says I might've done really bad stuff & blocked it out. That scares the crap out of me!

I've also been seeking pain & punishment & not sure where that's coming from. She thinks it might stem from my childhood. That made me get up & leave the appt. I was shaking so badly. I just can't believe where she gets these theories from. I never "enjoyed" punishment as a child. Never!

These last few appts have been infuriating to me & that she's just pulling this stuff from thin air. I don't believe any of it. It's just not possible & I don't have parts that reflect that. Nothing makes sense to me. Nothing at all.
All I do is keep questioning this DID & if I really have it or am I just psychotic, neurotic or just plain crazy.
I'm so lost