Quote:
Originally Posted by akekaomen
I know I'm not the only one dealing with this, but I feel like I am. I guess it's because everyone around me seems like an over-achiever and I'm just a manager trying to get through each day.
No one is telling me that I'm doing poorly, but I don't like how little I can produce right now. I can't think and I can barely get simple things done. I have no interest in what I do and I'm just lucky that no one is watching me closely.
I try to break up projects and take breaks, but it can get unbearable at times knowing I could do more and be more, but I'm stuck in this rut. I also hate that so many I knew before have advanced to directors in different places and I'm still just a little manager barely getting by with my area. I feel so worthless.
I wanted to stay home today, but I take so much time off that they have called me out on that. I had thought of invoking my interim FMLA, but that can cause more problems because they all know it's better for me to show up than sit at home. I'm too afraid to ask for anything to help me advance my career and I'm too afraid to ask for the things I need to help me survive like this.
We barely make ends meet as it is, so I need to tough it out and learn what others seem to know - how to work when you don't feel like it. I just can't seem to grow up enough even at 40 years old I'm still nowhere and unmotivated at work.
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I've been where you are akekaomen. I used to be quite depressed, but I'm not anymore. You know what's crazy? Now I actually enjoy dysfunctional work situations just because when I'm in them I'm so obviously dealing with them vastly better than I would have dealt with it when I was depressed. The contrast reminds me how far I have come.
I'm not sure, but it sounds like you're functioning pretty well in your job, but not enjoying it at all. You say you have to learn how to work when you don't feel like it. I think it's a much better strategy to try combining un-depressing yourself with learning how to actually enjoy your job. I suspect that if you're feeling great physically and mentally, almost any job can be enjoyable, and people who enjoy their jobs typically also do them quite well.
I know it's not easy. When you're depressed you live in a swamp of dysfunctional thoughts and feelings that endlessly repeat. It's very easy to get into a downward spiral because depression causes chronic stress which makes it hard to do anything well which can cause disapproval and more stress, etc. I suspect that the key is overcoming your depression rather than the particulars of your job situation.