I've struggled with dysthymia and major depression on and off for a few years, and I feel anxious sometimes like anyone does, but it's never been too much of a problem.
I'm a freshman in college, and I have one discussion-based class. A few weeks ago, I was to present some information in front of this class. I've presented things in class many times before in high school, but I had never had such an intense reaction as I anticipated my turn to speak. For an hour I was fidgeting, constantly clearing my throat because it felt really tight. I kept drinking water because my mouth was so dry that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to speak when it came to be my turn. My face flushed horribly red, and my heart was beating so fast that I thought I was going to give myself a nosebleed. I was sweating. I had the urge to just jump up and run out of class.
I tried to take deep breaths, but it didn't calm me down. It only made me more anxious, thinking that other people could see how worked up I was.
When it came to be my turn to speak, I believe I got the words out okay because I had practiced a lot the day before.
Does anyone have any idea why I suddenly had this reaction? It was really inappropriate to how short of a time I'd be speaking and how I wouldn't have failed or anything if I had just given it a shot.
I'm supposed to present something else in that class tomorrow, but my fear of a panic attack kept me for even preparing for the class so I could just skip it. I really don't think I have an anxiety disorder, but I've never experienced anxiety that powerfully before, thankfully and unfortunately.
Ideas, anyone?
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“I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
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