My mother was a malignant narcissist.

I began self harm at five (biting myself sometimes till it bled)

Most of her abuse was emotional.

Mother told me I was ugly, fat, stupid. She told me I stank. She told me that I 'Made her skin crawl' that if I was in the same room as her 'She felt sick'
She tried to stab me through with a carving knife when I was 11, told me she 'HATED ME SOOO MUCH'
School threatened her once with the authorities I was in such a rundown state, she took me to the doctors and she improved toward me-----------------for about a week, then back to herself again.

I was never hugged, cuddled or kissed, never ever told I was loved. No comfort, even when I remember falling heavily down the stairs as a child, from top to bottom Bang, Bang, Bang. I laid there hurt, bruised, stunned.
In shock and shaking I went up to mother and said 'Mum, I fell down stairs.
She briefly looked up from her book, and I saw the sly smirk on her face, the smile playing on her lips. She ignored me, and went back to her book.

At 17 I had a breakdown.

I felt so lonely.