I don't like that she uses that word, either. You keep showing up and wanting more regularity to your sessions, which shows willingness and engagement. She could reinforce that impulse instead of pathologizing the way you've had to cope with all the upheavals in your life and with therapy (the revolving door of therapists, her funky schedule, not returning calls, etc.).

Sure, you're holding back, but you've had reason to. And you want that to change. I hope she gets that now and stops using that word.