You need to just step off the "guilt train" . You didn't do any of that on purpose, It happened due to an illness.

I do understand your feelings. The people that are "good for you " in your life arent't going to hold it over your head , if someone can't handle it, then it's there loss. Yes it is tough wondering if people are talking about you, but in reality everything just fades, something new and more exciting will grab their attention .

Think about it this way...new perscpetive, I have seen a lot of just drunks cause a massive scene and they never worry about forgiving themselves.

So be kind to yourself and let the guilt go, you don't deserve the burden