Sorry if this post is long!
I have been with my husband for nearly five years; dating for two, married for three. A little background: I never married before, so while we are older we are both new to marriage. One of the things that stood out as a potential problem from the very beginning, was unmatched libidos. I thought that over time it would improve, but not only is my libido normal (meaning that I would be content with sex twice a week, his is very low; he could easily go ten days up to two weeks between sexual encounters. I consider him a very good friend, and we like doing things together, such as taking walks, watching movies, cooking and doing projects around the house. But he always refers to my “high” libido. I pointed out once (humorously) that a starving person might be perceived as having an abnormal interest in food but if fed at regular intervals they would soon view food in a normal context.


But over the years I am really feeling cheated in the bedroom. He also has erectile dysfunction and uses a medication for it but there have even been times that the medication doesn't work. I am convinced that the issue is psychological but he doesn't agree. It puzzles me that one can be so in love and yet have minimal desire to make love? We have talked about it and he says it is to do with getting older. Well, I am getting older too, but still have a healthy libido. I find myself thinking about divorce but I really don't want to do that. It is just getting so frustrating that part of our marriage vows aren't being honored here. I have read articles about ED on line and sent him copies, bought books and even suggested just lying together and touching without the expectation of sex, but he either won't try or insists that there is nothing he can do about it.


Several times he has just left me “hanging” and only offers an apology, as if that helps. I try not to nag or be nasty about it, but I am feeling discouraged about our marriage. This means a lot to me and he seems to think that just because sex doesn't matter that much to him that it is not an issue. We have been to counseling but I soon realized that he was just going along with it to keep the peace but wasn't really applying any of the tools the therapist was giving us.


I think that he is just set in his ways and that this isn't going to improve. I just don't want to end my marriage over the sexual part, and I wind up feeling guilty because I resent that he can't fulfill me in bed but is so wonderful in other ways. I just don't know what to do!