Thank you for your offer but I know that I'm going to be here at least till the end of my lease (June next year), my son's graduation from college and my oldest leaving for her next job... I have till Monday to think things over about what to do: try for another agreement with my ex regarding alimony before the hearing or just accept what's going to happen, i.e. letting the judge decide? It's going to be difficult for me to sort it out... If I choose the first option, my ex is going to think he keeps the upper hand as always had and surely he is going to refuse any kind of agreement; if I opt for the second option, I risk a lot letting the judge decide the amount of alimony I should receive... Of course what I'm asking is the minimum to keep any semblance of the previous lifestyle , but he has presented such an exorbitant level of post separation expenses that he ''cannot'' pay what I'm asking for... Right now, the most important thing for me is to find a therapist to calm myself and elaborate all of this turmoil... One thing a very dear friend of mine, a beautiful person, told me is that I have value as a human being outside the relationship; I'm very, very grateful for what she said to me, but the big question for me right now is ''what's my value?'' when for such a long time I defined myself thru the relationship: I was better bc he loved me (or so I thought...), I was better bc I was with him, enjoying life, going ahead, having this beautiful family, making sacrifices in order to enjoy our future together, having plans and projects in common and so on... And now, what? It's very difficult to find myself, to look at myself like this, alone for the first time in my life... The children are very supportive of me but they are very independent and full of opportunities ahead; they are not going to make decisions contemplating my situation: my ex and I made a strong point during their formative years that we moved here to give them a better chance at life, and they didn't disappoint in the least: they are very good students, tough, dedicated and responsible. Anyway, I have yet a very long road ahead to find myself...