Wow, I just had a major breakthrough. I'm bipolar and have generalized anxiety disorder. But my therapist said I most definitely have some dissociation going on, like weird little moments of blackout where I'll be in a conversation with someone and just zone out hard and I'm still talking, but I don't remember a word I said. My therapist wants to explore this. I've been wanting to write about it, but not until I get my thoughts straight.

I'm always scared to death of myself and everyone. Just my thoughts, I would never do anything crazy. But it's like something inside me wants to get me in trouble, so I'm terrified at all times that I'll get into some kind of trouble.

I have these awful anxiety thoughts, like how sad it would be to throw a drink in someone's face, or what if I just slapped someone. Like I'm always aware of how easy it would be to get into trouble by hurting someone. Again, I would never do that and I don't enjoy seeing another person hurt, the thoughts make me so scared and so sad.

Does anyone else relate? I really need some feedback. I wonder if anyone with dissociation can relate to what I just realized.