My sister in law left her husband after 30 years, she was having an affair. She ran up the bills in the months before the divorce, pretty much to convince the judge that she couldn't pay spousal support and to have them paid off from the sale of their home.(he was a stay at home Dad who moved to the country because she wanted to and she was the only one able to secure a good job there) What a ***** and the sad part is, she still hasn't "gotten hers" yet! He died shortly after the divorce was final. He got some spousal support, but not that much. My point? It worked for her and it may work for your husband. There has to be some way to show the judge what he has done. Statements from your kids....friends...some one to corroborate what you say? Pictures of your life together for the judge to see the truth to what you claim?

I think I'd try for settlement first with him and asking for well over what you think a judge might give you and then negotiating down to something you can live on.
He totally screwed you, what else can you say about it...nothing really can change what he's done. I don't think he has a conscience.