I wish today was not. I know that for many Halloween is just a day to trick or treat, but it means so much more to us. I was so scared and found myself just rocking last night, lost time, and wanting to run, hide, get away....but there is nothing now to get away from but it doesn't feel that way. My dream, another nightmare, not even worth words as there are none to explain nor is there any reason, no one will understand. I feel so alone, trying hard to function like normal, but I feel small, afraid, and not sure it is worth it.

Only here do these words come, I feel silent otherwise. And feel my words mean nothing, my feelings mean nothing, and I mean nothing. I know feelings change, but right now this is how I feel. They say silence is golden, here silence is anything but golden. It is black, full of terror, and memories, memories even this adult feels powerless and terrified to speak or show any sign of weakness to anyone. I feel I am watching out and a wondering today is anyone really safe or who they say they are? That is how lost I feel today. And maybe me being alone is best for everyone, even me............................