I thought I was past this by now. I had my last day of school on Thursday, but today I had to go back in to get some art work that I'd left to dry over the weekend. Up until this afternoon that didn't bother me at all, but then I started planning what time I should leave in order to see the least amount of people - something I did a lot when I was at school, especially in S6 because teachers were less strict about when classes started and ended, plus I had free periods. Wherever possible I'd leave for break and lunch early to avoid the crowds. With the therapy, though, I started going into crowded places more, and discovered that it wasn't that bad really...admittedly, I felt lonely sometimes being surrounded by people yet rarely having the courage to actually talk to anyone, but occasionally I did speak to people and it felt great.

Now, though, I guess as a consequence of having isolated myself for a few days (other than a trip to Glasgow on Sunday, occasional walks around town to try and stop my leg from going too stiff, and my driving lesson), the thought of being around so many people is starting to worry me again. And in a way, this time it's worse, because I feel out of place - I'm not part of the school any more. But I'll keep having to go back there for exams and orchestra rehearsals.

Of course, when I did go, it turned out fine...I was nervous being in the corridors, especially as I was travelling in the opposite direction from everyone else, but only one person asked what I was doing there, and nobody else seemed to pay any attention to me other than the art teacher. As always, I don't know what I was worrying about. But why hasn't this gone away?