I've ended up in icu, cicu messed up my memory, got a decade worth of seizures, been in a coma and loss my freedoms from trying. I have come to the same conclusion, I might get it wrong again and this time end up on a ventilator or life support....much much worse.

Now when I'm feeling suicidal I think of all the ways it might go wrong and don't act on it. I've looked up all the ways done research and none are foolproof, someone has survived every type of plan. When I'm down in the hole I feel that this existence is hell and I'm doomed to live here forever. It does get better but don't try to tell me that when I'm down the hole there's nothing worse than some Pollyanna yapping about better times ahead. I figure I'm doing good if I can remember the chances of failure are higher than dragging on though the dark place. I just need to remember what happens if I fail, that stops me.

Overthinking it or just quit doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? I don't know, but life has gotten easier without the involuntary hospitalizations.