I need more... What do you mean by "I can't be seen by her?" I am just trying to figure out how this connects to receiving something from her. Have you ever "gotten" something in the past that someone told you they were "giving" you that made you feel ashamed? Is it hard to translate something that is truely good into knowing that you deserve this thing? It still makes you feel gross. What do you think? I want you to feel rich. Knowing you deserve to have good things. And being able to hold onto them.