Quote:
Originally Posted by Nature1968
You have experience 3 times with this girl so that must be a huge step for you ...
Maybe what your friend should do is have you massage her from head to toe so you have the control of that you touch and what you don't want to touch have you done a full body massage on her ?
If not try that then when you feel ready take one piece of clothes off her one at a time and over time have her be nude and give her a full body massage.
Then when your ready have her do that with you a full body massage .
Once you feel good about that then try something else ..
I think you obsess with being a virgin like you think your not clean if you go all the way with a girl.
If you don't feel the need to have sex then don't, not everyone wants or needs sex to be in a relationship. Just be honest with people you date and say I'm not into sex.
Maybe you need to fall in love to have that special connection and be married, so you feel clean ?
Could that be it?
Don't feel like you have to have sex because no one is pushing you your putting that all on you.
Do other things in life that make u happy why let sex be in your way of happiness ?
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I appreciate the advice.
I DO obsess over remaining a virgin, it is extremely important to be. To me, sex is something vile, and should I lose my virginity, well, that would about be one of the vilest things I could ever do. This is why the notion of having sexual relations with someone I may come to have feelings for would not make things better, but worse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiesmom
First of all, I would like to say that you have enough of a realization of what's going on than you give yourself credit for.
You aware that the whole pleasure/guilt thing is very much ingrained in you. And you now have the knowledge that, for you, orgasm BY ANY MEANS is resulting in the same reaction for you (albeit to varying degrees).
Are you a bad person for considering this? Absolutely not.
Should you have never done this? Only you and your therapist know what the "right" step is for you. I think you did something that you knew might have terrifying consequences for you....but you did it anyway. And you did it in the most careful, responsible way possible. So, in my honest opinion, you thought it was the right time.
Whether or not you do it again will be your own decision and it will be the right decision for you. Because you have things well under control.
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Thank you for the reply. I'd certainly like to think I have things under control, but it certainly doesn't feel that way. I shift from regret to shame to acceptance about it on a daily basis. The knowledge that I did things in the safest and most careful way possible is sometimes all that keeps me from beating myself up over it.
I did spend time with my friend the other day, and I brought up the fact that experimenting again had crossed my mind. I told her that I felt incredibly guilty about it, that I felt like a monster for even considering it. But I think it was best to get it out in the open.