''I don't want to be seen by her'' = shame. In receiving something I feel vulnerable, naked, ashamed. I can't put my finger on it....why I feel this way....

With my ex it was the same way....if we had s-x at night....the next morn I'd be so ashamed of him....I would like to make the connection, to have it 'click' in my mind...y'know...I want the insight....what's behind my feelings of shame, nakedness.....groping in the dark here....

Anything I take on my own...doesn't make me feel bad....but if someone gives it to me...kind of like my neediness makes me feel shame...or my iduno what....still groping....sigh