My few friends have begun to fade into acquaintance status, and it seems there is little I can do to stop this.
I try to make contact, but the fewer times we meet, the less it seems that anyone really wants to see me and talk to me again..
One of my two closest acquaintances is a talkative and outgoing person, the polar-opposite of myself, with completely different interests, friends and values. But we both love the theatre and NYC, and she's one of my only friends from high school. Every time I get together with her though, (and now that she moved to the city it's even less) it seems like all we talk about is her life.
I try to steer the conversation away from the negative (complaints about family mostly) and sometimes can engage her in discussions about things beyond our daily lives... But I struggle with the idea that she even likes me as a person.. It often seems like I'm only there for someone to talk to.
I missed her birthday last night for a lot of reasons. One was that it was in Bklyn and at the end of the night I'd have to take probably at least a 2 hr train journey home. Another was that I wasn't sure she'd miss me.
I don't feel good about myself so it's hard to talk to people, especially when I haven't seen them, or missed their birthday... I feel like I'm at square one, all alone trying to just get someone to spend some time with me.
The other part is, I keep falling behind my peers in life: No job, no boyfriend, no prospects... These are some reasons why I lost my closest friend.
Should I keep talking to this girl, even if just to have anyone? Maybe I'm just as bad as she is then.. if I'm only using her out of lonliness..